The other element of mental

If you haven't already, go to Nitmos and read his post on mental training. His post and my mental battles during my race last weekend, got me thinking.... Bear with me.

Until now, I considered mental toughness to be defined as ability to push through pain without giving up. I've got that. In the bank. In fact, I think I only ran one race (out of, like, over 30) when I slowed down toward the end, and that was after Boston, on tired legs. I expect pain during the last 3 miles of a 1/2, and the last 6 of a marathon. I am not surprised if I puke at the track (I often did this summer, I habituated). I can deal with that. I've devoured Matt Fitzegerald's book on mental training, and have used the strategies he suggests. I visualize a race over and over, I imagine myself wanting to slow down, and plan how to deal with the demons of a fatigued mind.

However, there is another element of mental training that I think gets ignored. It's confidence. It's self efficacy as a runner. It's fearlessness. It's the ability to go out hard without worrying that you are going to crash and burn. It's not fearing the unknown, and believing that you can deal with whatever comes during the last few miles of a race. This is what I don't have. This is what I need to develop. I am cautious and I like control (who does not). I follow a training plan and run the paces that my plan tells me to hit. And I do. Always. I train for races with a goal pace in mind. That goal is often too cautious, I think. I almost always get a PR, because I train for a faster and faster pace, but I never give it my all until I am close to the finish line.

I think it is easier to be fearless at a younger age. The 19 years old version of myself came to the US alone and made herself a pretty good life. That takes guts. But then something happens to us in our 30s. We start to become cautious. Family, work, kids, there is so much to lose. For me, this translates into running. I no longer take huge risks in life, and I don't take them in running either. However, while taking huge risks in my personal life no longer interests me - I feel challenged, I feel fulfilled, I like my life and really have the ability to do whatever I chose to - I would love to be able to take risks in running, to experience it, to learn about myself, about my reactions, about how tough I really am. I don't have a plan for now, and I will certainly won't take a huge risk during the marathon. I think my brain is still digesting this idea. I certainly hope that when I see a 7:30 or lower pace on my watch during my next 1/2 marathon, I won't feel intimidated by it and won't feel the need to slow down "just in case". Until then, I am going to start looking at my Garmin less and less in training....hopefully I'll discover, like I did today, that I end up running my tempos much faster than planned, with the same perceived effort.