Sometime during our courtship Chris told me that I tend to go from megalomania to insecurity within a matter of minutes. That was true at the time (and no, I never told Chris that he was right, of course:), and something I've worked through. However, some remnants of that quick change are still present in my running. I have some runs when I am on top of the world, running a speedy pace that feels oh so easy, and I start feeling that I can run X marathon time, or half marathon time, etc. Then I have those other runs.....my last 2 long runs. I start out in megalomania state completely ignoring the effect of humidity or high temps, or planning an 18 MP run on a Thursday early morning after having ran 24 miles the previous Saturday, 10 MP-20 miles the previous Monday, and a track workout on Tuesday. Yeah! I start the run, and then at mile 5 I am completely out of breath (probably sky high HR) and I start thinking that I won't be able to run even an 8 pace marathon. Insecurity strikes. And you can talk to me about positive thinking and mental toughness (I used them and did manage to finish the runs) but when you did yourself a big hole at mile 5 of a marathon or long runs, its pretty hard to get yourself out without slowing down.
So.....I started the emergency taper. It is screaming in your face obvious that I am tired. I trained hard for the HIM and marathon, did the HIM and was back running 2 days after (megalomania? stupidity?). In my defense, I felt great. Then I pushed the mileage up and because I felt no soreness, fatigue, loss of mojo or other signs of overtraining, I pushed through.
I have 18 days to get these legs ready to race. You'd think I'd be excited to taper, but truth is, I am going to miss running long. I can have the worst run but still want to get out there the next day. Hm, I am starting to think that megalomania is more of a danger than insecurity...
Oh, and I still have no idea what MP I am going for. The MP I trained for seems a bit too ambitious after my last 2 runs (insecurity?, realism?). One thing I know, there will be a plan before this race (accounting for weather, etc), so that the megalomania/insecurity demons can be kept at bay!
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13 comments:
My first thought while reading this post was, "This is where a coach comes in handy." A coach would have kept you from overdoing it in the week following your half ironman... though counter-point, I totally understand your desire to figure it out for yourself. I am doing the same thing and it can be quite fun, even with the mistakes we make. Good learning experiences if you like that sort of thing! (I do, and you do too.) ;)
its just time to taper and with taper comes insecurities, at least for a lot of runners. you have done A LOT of work, you are tired and ready to rest... rest those legs up and get them and the mind ready to race! can't wait to see what your MP ends up being :)
I don't know about you, but I always find insecurities when I'm tapering. Questioning every decision I ever made. It will all work out - you are strong and powerful and full of determination. It's a learning game and you're doing awesome!! :)
You are so funny:) Honestly, I do the same thing sometimes. I had a run the other day where by the 4th mile I was sucking air! This was followed after a few really fantastic runs! Go figure, maybe the running Gods do this so we don't get cocky! You will nail the next one...no worries:)
Tapering does crazy things to us and brings out crazy insecurities! Enjoy your taper and take the time to REST and not overdo it!
You are going to do great in your marathon!
Give yourself some good rest and you will be right at the MP you originally set. I know it.
i have felt like a slug for the past two weeks. schedule yourself a great short run and that might make you feel better. it worked for me.
Like Michelle said, this is why I have a coach. I would do exactly what you did but unlike you I wouldn't recognize I was headed into a hole until I was deep into that hole. There's still plenty of time to recover. I think you will be very pleasantly surprised with the marathon pace you are able to hold.
I agree with ALL of the comment - I think you will be fine once you've had a bit of a rest and a break. Use the time to focus mentally, to sleep, to eat well.
You're in rock solid shape - all you need is for your mind to get there too. Oh - and don't forget that you're actually meant to be enjoying this!
Oh, I know that feeling...and that quick fall. Sometimes I finish and I'm a god, sometimes I finish and I'm slow and old and lazy and should just quit. I think plenty of runners are like that (please...I hope so).
The joys of running.
Don't let any self doubt creep in during this time! I reread your previous posts and you had some really strong, sound long runs at the paces you wanted to do! Let this taper do what it is supposed to do, heal you up and rest so that you are energized to race like you want to race.
You'll do it!
I get this every time I taper or even have a race that wasnt the greatest. Dont worry and enjoy the taper your legs will thank you in the end
I have been having posting issues, so I hope this one makes it through!
Anyhow, you're doing the right thing now to make up for some overzealous behavior. Knowing you, you'll come out the other side just fine--with your speed, better than fine!
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