From megalomania to insecurity

Sometime during our courtship Chris told me that I tend to go from megalomania to insecurity within a matter of minutes. That was true at the time (and no, I never told Chris that he was right, of course:), and something I've worked through. However, some remnants of that quick change are still present in my running. I have some runs when I am on top of the world, running a speedy pace that feels oh so easy, and I start feeling that I can run X marathon time, or half marathon time, etc. Then I have those other runs.....my last 2 long runs. I start out in megalomania state completely ignoring the effect of humidity or high temps, or planning an 18 MP run on a Thursday early morning after having ran 24 miles the previous Saturday, 10 MP-20 miles the previous Monday, and a track workout on Tuesday. Yeah! I start the run, and then at mile 5 I am completely out of breath (probably sky high HR) and I start thinking that I won't be able to run even an 8 pace marathon. Insecurity strikes. And you can talk to me about positive thinking and mental toughness (I used them and did manage to finish the runs) but when you did yourself a big hole at mile 5 of a marathon or long runs, its pretty hard to get yourself out without slowing down.

So.....I started the emergency taper. It is screaming in your face obvious that I am tired. I trained hard for the HIM and marathon, did the HIM and was back running 2 days after (megalomania? stupidity?). In my defense, I felt great. Then I pushed the mileage up and because I felt no soreness, fatigue, loss of mojo or other signs of overtraining, I pushed through.
I have 18 days to get these legs ready to race. You'd think I'd be excited to taper, but truth is, I am going to miss running long. I can have the worst run but still want to get out there the next day. Hm, I am starting to think that megalomania is more of a danger than insecurity...

Oh, and I still have no idea what MP I am going for. The MP I trained for seems a bit too ambitious after my last 2 runs (insecurity?, realism?). One thing I know, there will be a plan before this race (accounting for weather, etc), so that the megalomania/insecurity demons can be kept at bay!

Random thoughts

* Meet my favorite new suit. Seriously, I love it, love it, love it!

(and don't ask me why the pic is blurry, ask Chris!)

* I've had some great runs, including the most amazing track workout in the rain this afternoon. I almost kissed the track, that's how much I love it! I also had a horrible long run on Saturday, on hilly terrain, hot temps (90s), little sleep and not enough salt. It was supposed to be 23 miles with 20 @ MP, and it ended up being 20 with 15 @ MP+10, and then 4 miles @ MP-5 2 hours later.

* They should serve defizzed coke at water stopps at all marthons. That stuff wakes you up from death in hot temps.

* I realize that the more secure and succesful I am in my career and my ability to support my family, the less competitive I am in sport. Perhaps my competitiveness was filling a gap? Still, I need my competitiveness to perform well.

* Two days ago I had made up my mind to buy a computrainer. Then I saw how much a good power meter costs, and changed my mind. I did get a Garmin with HR monitor (since mine is in a coma), so perhaps I should just start with that, a Kurt Kinetic trainer, and a new, well fitted bike.

* I videotaped myself swimming (in my favorite suit). I was going to post the videos, but I took them with my I-phone and somehow blogger does not like that format. Still, I was able to pinpoint a couple of things I have to change about my stroke, particularly rotation on my left side, which is mostly nonexistant. It was amazing how much faster I felt with better body rotation.

* Guess who is hoarding the foam rollers? He "rolls" just like we do, while watching TV!

So you want to know MORE about me?

Aimee at I tri to be me (love the title of her blog) tagged me to come up with random things about me. I've done this post a few times so far, but it is always fun to do it again. But, to keep it fresh, I am going to give you 10 random things about me from Chris's perspective.

Here we go, uncensored yet PG:)

1. Gives music a thumbs up or down within 3 seconds, and then she changes her mind.
2. Lived in our new house for 6 months before finding out where the kitchen garbage went when it left the house.
3. Tells Petru made up stories where he cheers up lonely traffic lights and lighthouses with his visits.
4. Has never had a professional massage, but has had 2 gift certificates for several months now.
5. Reads almost only nonfiction these days, but loves Jumpa Lahiri's work.
6. Loves beating her husband at anything - cribbage, quiddler, shoe tying races.
7. Has disappointed her uncle by eating only 2 slices of pizza at Papa Gino's all-you-can-eat buffet during her first summer in the USA.
8. She found out that she and I were reading the same book (Angela's ashes) during our second date (June 1999).
9. Finished her first 5K race in just under 25 minutes (Fresh Air Challenge, Cleveland May 2001), with no training and almost no prior running.
10. Is a kick-ass backyard badminton player!

So lets keep this rolling. Consider yourself tagged, if you want to!

The good...

THE GOOD




First step toward becoming a more efficient swimmer! yay!














The YUMMY!




This is what Chris learned to cook today - my 2 favorite veggies!
















The CUTE!



This is a note I found on the counter when I got back from work today! Yes, I am a seltzer addict and hoarder!


































THE UGLY!



I made the mistake of ordering a splish suit "grab bag" (meaning I had no idea what suit I would get). I love 99% of the suits, so thought my chances were pretty high to get something I could wear. Plus, the 1/2 price was nice. And then I got this.....Chris thinks this should be my Halloween costume, and we could be Wonder Woman and Batman! Yes, NOPE!

Have whipped cream, will run fast!

Since I was a little kid, I have always used rewards to make myself do things that I either did not feel like doing, or that were hard. I transitioned from studying extra hard at anatomy in 7th grade because of my hot teacher, to more higher level rewards like feeling good about myself, etc, etc during the highschool years.

This summer I started rewarding myself with frappuccinos and sodas after long runs and bike rides (yes, it seems like I have been regressing but sometimes long term reinforcers or intrinsic reinforcers just don't do it!). They worked like a charm. Today, I raised the bar and rewarded myself with the mother of all rewards, pure sweetness and saturated fat combo - the whipped cream! I had to!

My Ana-Maria/Hudson plan called for 20 miles with 2 easy, 15@ MP, 3 easy. I felt rusty and unmotivated. My breathing was hard during the warm up and the first MP miles. I had several negative thoughts creeping in, mainly worries about how tough the MP felt. I worked through them and told myself that the point of the run was to suffer, and if I did, I'll get my frappuccino. Somehow after mile 3 my run got easier (I need to remind myself of this!) and I picked up the pace. I felt great, strong and confident. I decided to finish the run at MP-10 (I did a 13 miler with 10 at this pace on Monday), mainly because I wanted more pain than I was feeling, I wanted to simulate a bit what I am going to feel during the last 6 miles of the marathon (hopefully not sooner). I picked up the pace, and it was hard. I wanted to slow down. So I told myself that I can have whipped cream on the frappuccino if I manage to bring the average pace down to MP-10. So I pushed, I held on to my focus, and I managed to get the average pace down to MP-10, with last mile close to 10K pace (and only one less than 1 min bathroom stop). I finished the 15 miles tired, but not exhausted as I did not let myself go all out. I knew I had 3 more miles to run. Mentally, these miles were tough to do. Typically I end my runs with hard miles, so my brain was basically done after the 2+15 tough miles. But I pulled it together and ran the 3 miles easy but not super slow, and found myself at the Starbucks asking for my treat. And it was awesome. And honestly, I am not feeling half as trashed as I was last week. In fact, I did not get a chance to nap as we had a block party (where I even managed to play badminton and along with K kicked Chris's and her husband's a$$es), so I have been on since early this am. And I am still riding this run! Now I wonder what my reward should be next week, for my 23 miler with 20 at MP? A venti 1/2 frappuccino 1/2 whip might do the trick! Or maybe just full whippped cream venti. Hey, whatever works!

Getting my mind into the right place!

Since we got back in town, I have been going to bed between 9 and 10pm, and waking up around 5. I am loving this schedule. This morning I managed to do my 13 miles before most people got up. And without all the biking and swimming, running 65miles/week leaves me with lots of free time and lots of energy. (Then why oh why do I miss tri training so much?)

Speaking of my run. It was a good one. I managed to get my mind into the right place, and managed 10 miles @ MP-10, with last mile @ 10Kpace. And no, I am not telling you my MP pace because this time around I am going to have a marathon pace range, and will most likely decide on the actual pace after the first few miles of the marathon. I learned that I can tell by mile 5 of a big race if it is going to be good or not. For now, my main work is going to be to get myself to care a little more about this marathon. I don't want to be attached to a goal, and upset if I don't reach it. Rather, I want to care enough so that when the going will get tough, it will be worth it for me to push through. I am also going to make sure I am going to suffer a lot during my key runs during the next couple of weeks. This will likely be easy because I tweaked my plan a bit - made my pace runs progressions from MP to HMP to 10K; switched the last sets of intervals in fartlek runs from 10k to 5k pace, and piled a lot of MP miles onto my long runs. What has always worked for me in marathon training is lots and lots of hard miles and MP miles. If I pull off a 20 miler at MP (like I plan to), I know chances are high that on a good day I can run a marathon at that pace. I know this approach is controversial and is not for everyone, but it has worked well for me in the past. And it appears that others are using it too, in tri training.

Rest day tomorrow - meaning swim drills - before my 20 miler with 15 @ MP on Saturday. Wish me luck:)

Please don't forget about my questions here. Thank you!

Plans and questions

It's funny how I am in the middle of marathon training, yet all I can think about is how to swim and bike faster! Not that I don't want to run faster, but I feel I sorta know how to do that (even though I am feeling rather sloooow these days).

BIKE:
My plan this winter is to spend a lot of time on my bike. Since I can't really justify a computrainer right now, I decided to take classes at a nearby bike shop. I figure one 3-4 hour computrainer ride a month would be enough. I am planning on doing 3 rides/week during winter, on a trainer. Right now I have a roller trainer which I got on Craigslist for free over a year ago. I have been reading a lot about fluid trainers, and how they better simulate road riding. I am looking at the kinetic and cycle fluid trainers. Do you have any experience with fluid trainers and would you recommend them?

POWER METER:
Should I jump on the powermeter bandwagon? I just purchased a Garmin 305 with HRM, and will be starting to use that after my marathon. How do you feel about powermeters? Are they worthwhile? Are they easy to read/use? What type/brand would you recommend?

BIKE/FIT:
I am going to purchase a new bike. I decided to get a road bike and put aerobars on it. Most of the tris in this area are hilly, plus I want to do group rides, plus Gordo, who I respect a lot, gave this advice in a recent triathlete mag! Do you know of a good place in the area to get a professional fit, reasonably priced? (this is for the 2-3 MA blog readers:)

SWIM:
I think I am going to join masters. They meet Tue and Th at 8:45-9:45, which is not really a bad time as Petru would be asleep. I am a bit nervous because I can't do flip turns (have never tried, but I found a cool site where they explain it well). Do you feel learning to do flip turns is beneficial for swimming? How do you feel about using swimming cords?

BOOKS:
I love books. Books are better than chocolate icecream. Truly. What are some good tri books to look into?

Thank you, thank you, thanks you!!!